>♥ This is my story ♥

High blood pressure

2011-07-12T22:00:00.001+08:00

So it's not my life that sux. It's not my head that hurts.

My doctor found out I had high BP. That explains the headache and nauseating feeling.

Hahahha

- iPost

Headache

2011-04-22T02:02:00.001+08:00

I don't know what s comin over me but I m having one heck of a headache.

- iPost

Life is kinder

2011-04-21T07:13:00.001+08:00

Life has been kinder to me. Yesterday alone, I had food. Mom made fruit salad for me for breakfast. Someone gave me fried rice for breakfast. Den lunch was provided coz it was someone s birthday in the office.

Now that I think about it, I often relate my happiness to food. Like.. Erm!!!!!!

I met Andri a few days ago and had dinner. Finally took some courage to apologise for not informing him abt my late bro. Now left Qiu Yi. And Pei Feng.

I don't think like happy strike will last. I know hell will break loose in a few weeks time when it almost end of semester. I shudder thinking about it...

- iPost

Heart of steel

2011-04-13T19:27:00.000+08:00

I wished my heart was made of steel.

I m not strong enough. Who can I seek for solace?

Instead of crying like others, I get pissed. I m easily irritable.

Allah, please give me strength to get through this.

Try harder

2011-04-09T03:21:00.001+08:00

So each day I try harder not to remember. A few weeks ago, I try not to think about him. These few days, I try not to think about the accident and THE fated day.

Things are not going easy for me. I keep losing my patience. I understand you guys need to grieve but please don't take advantage of me. Hallo!! I need to grieve myself.

My opinions don't matter and worst, when I try explaining no one wants to listen. So tell me, how can I not lose my patience...

I remembered him for his jokes, his hair and most of all for his chemistry with me. We were close. Very. I ll try and stay strong for now. I wish I had someone to lean on tho.

- iPost

Everyone just need

2011-03-28T01:28:00.003+08:00

We always want the impossible. The most impossible-lest(yeahhh) thing we all want is TIME. If i had more time, i'd wanna spend it all with my late brother. If i had more time, i'd wanna do up a wonderful worksheets for my students. If i had more time, i'd spend it with the company of little children. If i had more time, i'd work really hard and earn lots of bucks for my family; give them a beautiful home with swimming pool, garden and fish ponds and make sure all my neighbours' kids come to play in my garden with my parents looking at them sipping a cup of hot tongkat ali kopi (or whatever stuff they always drink) If only i had more time. There's only one me. There's only so much i can do. And i try to make the best of it. We all learn to handle one thing at a time. And making myself busy is helping me cope with his passing. Aren't i glad i have a million things to do.

Repeatedly breaking

2011-03-22T01:26:00.000+08:00

Each time someone mentions his name or even the word "Arwah", my heart breaks. It doesn't help that my students keep wanting to talk about my late bro.

I hate being lonely. He used to come home late and then I would be working in the living room. Then we'd just catch up. Now, it's just me.

It's just getting more n more lonelier for me.

So not awesome. :(

- iPost

Small

2011-03-20T00:30:00.001+08:00

When I was young, I thought my family was huge. And I loved that. I was never lonely for that fact. And I never let my family members be alone. I was always up someone's face.

Now, sister got married. Brother passed away.

It's just me and my littlest bro. I feel the pain. I wonder how littlest bro feel.

He's more emo than me.

If I knew we'd be this small, I'd beg mom for more siblings.

I feel lonely. :(

- iPost

Tough

2011-03-19T21:56:00.001+08:00

It's tough enough being a teacher.

But I'm also a student. Heck, much work and assignments. They come like tsunami! In huge destructive manner!

- iPost

Glasses

2011-03-19T12:08:00.001+08:00

I wore my glasses to class.

And a student said, "arhhhh u look like a teacher!!!"

Wait, I am one.!! And why does he make it sound like it's bad???

- iPost

Last week and this week

2011-03-18T13:35:00.001+08:00

Last week, I could only think abt the accident.

This week, better. I could see your images in my head. Your smile. Your face. Your smell. Your hair. Everything that could tear me up. I remembered every conversation we had. I remembered everything we did together.

I didnt purposely remember you. I saw you in everything.

This week I cried more.

- iPost

Sleepless

2011-03-17T02:23:00.001+08:00

I ve been having lots of sleepless nights. So when I finally do fall asleep, I m glad. At least my brain and heart stop functioning. Well at least not literally.

I ve dazed more, I guess. Thats why I keep going into wrong roads. I know it's dangerous. But I pray I ll snap out of it.

- iPost in Life

Questions

2011-03-17T02:20:00.001+08:00

I like to wonder. And that's what makes me depressed. I like to wonder why negative things happen. Coz I wanna know what makes the world tick.

A disaster happens. Shouldn't the world stop ticking.

Someone dies. Shouldn't the world stop ticking.

But it keeps going. And to make matters worst, it's ticking even faster. That's what I feel.

- iPost in Life

Tired

2010-11-09T13:41:00.000+08:00

Either it'll be like this or hopefully it gets better. I m so tired. I need some day to myself.

- iPost in Life

Sad

2010-11-07T23:14:00.001+08:00

I m sad. Don't fancy my life much now.

- iPost in Life

Taken from "Adrian's Tan graduating speech"

2010-10-30T22:24:00.000+08:00

1. Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder silver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

2. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

3. Any child can blurt out the truth

4. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

- iPost in Life

Birthday!!

2010-10-28T21:13:00.001+08:00

I like my birthday... Tho it's really nothing but I like it coz it's something to look forward to. Well, I like to look for reasons to live u know... Hahhahaha

- iPost in Life

I wish

2010-10-21T21:52:00.000+08:00

I wish I had all the money in the world but I can't... Hehehe.. My birthday is coming. What shall I get myself?? Thought of shopping for some clothes. But I really want a dslr. Or a projector. Hmmmm..

- iPost in Life

The tough time continues

2010-10-17T19:04:00.000+08:00

Bad hair cut. At least it's not what I wanted.. The bangs totally screwed. :((

Well, there are worst ones out there. So I m holding onto that.

- iPost in Life

A new fresh start

2010-10-16T22:52:00.000+08:00

I deleted my whole entire past history. I want to remind myself the past does not matter anymore. It's today and tomorrow that matters.

So here goes my life as a kindergarten teacher.

3 words
Crazy
Children
Tired

And no.. The crazy does not belongs to the children.

These few months have been super tough. Mom says to brave through it. I hope I will.

- iPost in Life